[27 Dec 2009|08:35pm] unsentletters [caramellatta] Dear Josh, I don't wanna turn you into my new Mahmoud- that person I hardly know and whom I obsess about, that beautiful stranger whose greatness first intimidates me, then inspires me, then fills me with paralyzing shame. She said, "sometimes it's invigorating to wrap someone up in a cloak of perfection and just love everything about them." I'm in love with you. And as long as it's unshared, I guess I have the freedom to call my persistent, one-sided crush love. But why do I nourish it, stay faithful to it, and let it stop me from pursuing other, "real" relationships? I'm in love with you. And it kills me that you're in the world and I'm not part of your world. It kills to know you're out there, and that all I can do is watch your life play out in pictures from afar. And I'm sorry that my head was always so full of your nationality, that I let where you're from build a wall around you. 3 comments|post comment

I wanna be like the actress in that romance movie [27 Dec 2009|11:38pm] unsentletters [vixellette] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | Lacuna Coil - Within Me ] Dear boy who works at the cybercafe, I thought I've already forgot your face. I WANT TO FORGET YOUR FACE, your traits, your voice and how you stare something or someone so shyly as the way you are... But guess what? I know it might sound stupid to you; I watched a movie of romance comedy tonight, and damn; one of the main actors almost has the same appearance like yours. His face, his hair, his lips, his accents, his eyebrows and the way he stared to the actress who took the role as his girlfriend... Shit. My heart almost broken watching it, since you just dumped me on last Tuesday. I just begin to already forget everything 'bout you, but to my disbelief I was enjoying the movie instead, which makes me... miss you again. ...and the most childish side of me wished that I wanted to be the girl like in that movie. The most ravishing customer you ever seen (I bet), Nina post comment

You shouldn't be alone on Christmas [27 Dec 2009|08:48am] unsentletters [himnskin] Dear Memaw, I'm sorry I didn't come to the nursing home and visit you on Christmas. I wanted to so badly, I felt selfish, because nobody should spend Christmas without ones that love them. But last time we went it killed me that you didn't remember who I was and when I cried Mom yelled at me and told me I couldn't cry in front of you because it would make you upset and we would have to leave. I knew if you didn't remember on Christmas I wouldn't have been able to keep myself from crying, especially on that day. I was already upset all day because since you were moved to the nursing home this Christmas was different than any my entire life, since the time I was 3 we have been going to your house to spend with the family for lunch, this was the first Christmas in 18 yeas we haven't done that. I can't deal with changes like that, because the reason it changed breaks my heart. So please know it wasn't that I didn't want to see you, but I couldnt muster the emotional strength to do it. I do love you, whether you remember me or not. Your forgotten granddaughter Dear Mom, I didn't go see Grandma because I didn't want to upset her like all the other times I've gone and cried. It wasn't as selfish as you think, yes I wanted her to have a good Christmas, yes I thought it might be nice for her to see me. But I thought about what would happen when I cried, because I would have on that day no matter whether or not she remembered me or not. And I didn't want to upset her like last time, I hate when she gets angry because there is a "stranger" in her room crying, and then the nurses have to come in to get her under control. I just wanted her to be calm and happy on Christmas, I wasn't worried about me I was worried about her, that isn't selfish. I could have cared less whether I cried or not, because I still did at home, I just didn't want to upset her again. I need you to understand please because you ruined my Christmas by reminding me all day how selfish I was. Your depressed daughter 2 comments|post comment

[27 Dec 2009|10:56pm] unsentletters [serraketo] Dear J, Thank you for convincing me that you can't live without me. It means more to me than I can put into words. All the love in the world, plus some from Pluto and Saturn, S. post comment

[27 Dec 2009|01:32am] unsentletters [evidence_lost] J, Why did you 'poke' me on Facebook? We haven't seen each other since August, and the last time we talked was in June, when we both told each other to fuck off, and I told you to 'stay the fuck out of my life'. I haven't wanted anything to do with you since then, even though you were pretty much my closest friend and one of very few people I managed to trust before you went and fucked that all up so completely. I know A told me you've been going through a rough patch lately. I have been going through hell lately too and I don't know if I can take on reconnecting with you too, even though I really miss you. At least it was your initiative, not mine - I poked you back out of curiousity, out of I don't know what, out of missing a friend who I haven't properly talked to in a year. The ball's in your court now.  Please, please, don't let this be some sort of joke. Don't use this as an excuse to fuck me around again. I won't put up with it, and I won't cope with it. No love, me. Dearest H I have written so many unsent letters to you and rehearsed this so many times in my head that I can't believe I'm going to be telling you for real on Thursday 31 December 2009. 'I can't conceal what I feel, what I know is real No mistaking the faking, I care With a prayer in the air I will leave it there On a note full of hope not despair' Please, please don't hate me. Please let me still be your friend, even if you don't feel the same way. Please don't let this fuck up everything like it did with J. Totally different situation but I'm still dead scared that it could end that badly, even though I know you're much too sweet a person to say anything like that. Still...I am more scared than you could ever know. Maybe you will know. Maybe I will tell you. I don't know. Love, me. post comment

[26 Dec 2009|09:40am] unsentletters [irihimiko] [ mood | awake ] Dear S.-   I think you will forever be a charming bastard. No matter the warmth or seeming care, you're cold. I don't know why I ever bothered wishing you a Merry Christmas. Boredom is dangerous, I suppose. Most happily- Your Ex Dear First Kiss- I found you on Facebook, I think. I want to friend you, but I'm hesitant and shy. Do you even remember me? Who are you now? Blast from the past post comment

Why is Christmas hell for me? [26 Dec 2009|09:38am] unsentletters [foxy_baby05] [ mood | depressed ] Dear Dad (and members of Dad's family), Before the divorce, you were in my life, treating me like the princess I was to you. Every Christmas, you'd smile and laugh when I'd open a present and squeal when it was from you. Those were the best times of my life. HOWEVER... After the divorce, it all stopped. COMPLETELY. I was 14 when you and Mom divorced. You couldn't even send a fucking card? Or even a phone call? You KNEW where we lived and you still didn't do anything. Why? What had I done wrong? The last time I saw you was when I was 16. There wasn't a "Hey, how have you been?" or even an "I love you." There was a stare. Like I wasn't even wanted anymore. Like YOU didn't want me anymore. Do you know what that did to me? It broke my heart and I swore to Mom the next time I'd see you was when you were dead... and I wished it would happen soon. Eleven Christmases later, and STILL nothing. Not even a card or a phone call. I may have Mom's family (which is freaking HUGE) behind me and my boyfriend (who is black, by the way, and treats me a HELL of a lot better than you), but still... I needed YOU. YOU, my DAD. I'm tired of hiding how depressed I am this time of year and crying when I'm alone and acting it's all okay in front of my family and my boyfriend. It's not right. And it's definitely NOT okay. If my grandmother had been alive, she'd have told you to give a damn. But she isn't. So, for once in your selfish life, give a damn about the daughter who wants to know why you don't call or say you love her. ~Your daughter (and niece)~ post comment

dear you, [26 Dec 2009|04:18am] unsentletters [shooting4stars] [ music | lenka - trouble is a friend ] the warmth of your breath rushes past my ear and settles upon my neck. the hot air seeps into my veins and travels down through my body. my eyes are closed and lips gently parted as indecipherable murmurings and innocence escape my mouth. with my hair and arms tangled above my head, i feel your fingers curl around the back of my neck. my chin lifts towards yours but shies away almost unnoticeably when the stubble of your beard grazes against it. your lips linger across my cheek and settle upon mine, kissing my mouth. but you're just another pair of lips on mine. my chest rises and falls with the quickening of my breaths. as my body fills with air and appetite, my chest meets yours; and with my breasts pressed against you, our bodies become one straight line down through our hips, kinked by the arch in my back and the pressure of your hips into mine. the weight of your body presses down on me and i feel small beneath you. but you're just another pair of hips on mine. side by side with your arm strewn lazily across my stomach, the heat of the room is almost unbearable. regardless, i lean my head on your shoulder, my hair tickling your neck. as you sigh and slow your breathing, you absentmindedly begin tracing your finger along the contours of my body. we lie there, shoulder to shoulder, feigning the comfort of two who have spent their entire lives together. your finger slows gently until it stops, and your arm tumbles to your side as you drift into a peaceful sleep. yet as you sleep i lie there, naked, awake, and consciously breathing in the air that lingers between us. my lungs are filled with unfamiliarity, lust, your distrust and lack of commitment. i breathe in my insecurities, my unending heartache, and my need for a soul fulfilling drink of love. i taste our distance, our lack of communication, and our subtle indifference all together. aware that no reparations are near, i close my eyes and join you. i follow you into dreams of lives we once lived, lives where love and life was easier.  and there we lie, two naked bodies resting side by side. two broken hearts beating out of rhythm. two damaged souls searching for meaning. b 2 comments|post comment

[26 Dec 2009|05:36pm] unsentletters [funnyhowitis] Dear terence, I've never thought about this, nor feel like it, but its been 6 years since we've met. I've let you down, and i can't tell you how sorry i am. For the immature things i did, for not being upfront and honest with you, for running away and feigning ignorance. But every time we manage to talk, be it your birthday or mine, valentine's, new year or christmas, even exams, any reason for me to text you or possibly receive a message from you, my heart leaps with joy at seeing your name appear on the screen, and crumples in disappointment when i wait in vain. And i hope you know, that when i tell you i love you, i mean it. Every time. A large part of me wishes that you haven't moved on, that you still love me though i always wonder why you do. I know this is so selfish but i want you to always be there for me. I write this in the hope that the next time we meet, your smile and the warmth in your hands remain the same. This time, this time i hope we result in something. All my love, wife. post comment

Merry Christmas [25 Dec 2009|01:47pm] unsentletters [bbeatscheese] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | Bird and The Bee - I hate Camera ] Dear Al, It's Christmas Day. We asked you to come round two days ago, but you didn't show up. Christmas Eve, we called you, wondering where you were, you said you were in Staines with your friends. Mum got annoyed that you hadn't come,  and she started yelling. We know you don't do Christmas, in fact, none of us do. But it's the one time nowadays that we get to be together as a family. It's now rather obvious that your family is Danjo and Patrick, seeing as you chose to spend Christmas with them instead. As if that's not enough, on Christmas Day you phone us saying that Danjo's driving you to Guilford Hospital, cause you broke your jaw. Well done. Serves you right. You could have been at home with your family but you chose to stay in a bar until 6:00 am drinking. I find this rather insensitive seeing as you should have gone to bed early anyway so that you would be awake to spend time with us. That's just great, the one time I say, "Let's have a festive Christmas for a change," You go and do this. Well thanks, Alex. I love you, but you're an idiot. What kind of person stays up in a bar on Christmas Eve? You know that's when all the thugs hang around. You were asking for it. And then you said, "I don't have a family, because if I did they would be helping me out right now." Say what? While you were out there drinking, at 4 in the morning, you could have just called and we would have picked you up in a second. We even offered, But no, cause you wouldn't even tell us where you were. And now, you want us to leave our houses on Christmas Day for something that was your own fault because you didn't listen to us? It's called tough love. Talk about selfish. But anyway, Dad's coming to get you now. And you're lucky that Mum isn't, cause she would've kicked the crap out of you. From sis. Merry Christmas, LJ post comment

[25 Dec 2009|11:17pm] unsentletters [illimerence] Hey you, Get your ass over here already. I miss you like fuck. The holiday season is no fun without you. -Me. post comment

[24 Dec 2009|06:40pm] unsentletters [wake_in_hell] Dear you, I was sitting in a rental car in a parking lot outside of a grocery store in California. And I thought of you. I thought of you and how much I miss you and I miss us and I miss the people we were before that summer. And I want to see you when I get back home. I want to see you because I want to prove that we can build something resembling a functional friendship. But I know that there is a part of me that wants to leave her and hold you close and whisper in your ear that everything is going to be alright again. Because I am crazy and insane and god knows what else. I find myself with A, in an amazing relationship that seems like it could only end in engagement or failure. And the part of me that wants it to fail so that we could happen again is kicking and screaming and resisting. That part of me that will always be in love with you wherever I go. And it passes. The feeling passes and fades and the kicking and screaming stops. And I realize that you are you and I am I and we will never be the same again. I realize that I will never wake up next to you and I will never kiss you goodnight again and that is just the way it is. And it is not bad, and it is not good, it just is. Love, P post comment

January 7th, 2010 - Belongs To Roll Tide [24 Dec 2009|12:48pm] unsentletters [sorryimsorry]  To my wonderful Crimson Tide,  I love you guys so much. I have been with you many years, despite cruel jokes from my brothers and distaste from my father. I have backed you up against Tennessee, while shouting at my stepfather via phone, and I laughed and cheered at Tebow's tears. You guys have accomplished so much!!! I am so proud of you! Now, all I am asking for is another victory. Just beat the ever loving crap out of Texas in the BCS game, and I won't ask for anything else. In order to win, you guys need to take the next 14 days seriously. Please take care of yourselves! GOOD LUCK GUYS!  Love, A teenage Alabama fan post comment

01. [23 Dec 2009|09:19pm] unsentletters [whoismarion] [ music | A Day To Remember - Plot To Bomb The Panhandle ] Dear          , You're here. There is an opportunity staring straight at me in the face and I am not taking action. I don't have the guts to. It's an insane, ridiculous, terrible idea and I'm frustrated with myself for thinking of it in the first place. It's obvious now that however many times I state, "I'm over it," to myself or others, it is not valid for anything. Even without communication for weeks, a simple little blip in that time plot is enough for me to resort to taking a few steps back to calm down any conflicting emotions -- and by conflicting emotions, I mean still wanting. Not being over, Still hoping, Still wishing, Still thinking, Still missing; It's all still maddening. It's been two-and-a-half years since it first began. It's been one-and-a-half years since it first ended. Or, at least, it was supposed to. That one evening before it was all gone was too close to perfect. It wasn't perfect, but it was close enough. Maybe if that evening didn't exist, this situation of emotions wouldn't be occurring.. maybe, or maybe not. We were such kids. Aren't we supposed to get over things like that? Learn to let go? Or does it take longer for it to happen? I tried tricking myself into believing I was over it, but I now realize that it only works when that blip is non-existent. The reason why it was so much more different and the fall that much higher was because of who you are.. is because of who you are. Your character. Personality. The stark line in the sand between you and the rest.. Or maybe I'm just -- still -- feeding into the thoughts of the young whilst I'm writing this. Get real and grow up. Grow up and get real. The thoughts of yesterday are petty in comparison to the thoughts of today.. ..but I'm still feeling this feeling that I don't want to feel. A reply is something I still have yet to receive now, and it's for the better if the rest of the night does not hold one for me. Oh, but I may have spoke too soon.. the blue is blinking. I don't want to check. I don't want to know that it's you, yet I don't want to know that it isn't. I'm waving to this opportunity as it passes me by. Don't worry, though, dear opportunity, you will be sorely missed. Tomorrow, or the next day, will be spent with anguish in my mind, conjuring up possible possibilities that this night could have nurtured. I'll continue with the facade. This is me, making things more difficult for myself. It isn't anything new. Have a nice, fine pre-Christmas eve. Truly, though not yours,     . Love everyone. post comment

[23 Dec 2009|09:58pm] unsentletters [nevershoutmegan] Dear Texas football team: Kick butt in the BCS Championship game. Alabama needs a good slap in the face. Their egos are too inflated. Although I'm not a particular fan of yours, please do this for me. It would make this loss & Tim Tebow's tears not so bad. - A rather upset Florida fan 2 comments|post comment

[23 Dec 2009|07:41pm] unsentletters [moe_sense] [ music | "Push It (Jb's Death Trance mix)" - Static-X ] Hey Mommy and Daddy, Why is probably the most asked question from a parent to a child.  You probably ask it all the time.  "Why is my child like this?" "Why is she failing her classes?" "Why was she in the mental hospital?" "Why is she so weird lately?" Well, Mummy dearest, you will probably never know the answers to any of these questions.  It's hard to break into my mind.  I know that enough, since there are still many locked doors in there.  They are labeled "Depression," "Anxiety," "Innermost Thoughts," "Asperger's syndrome," and "The Meaning of Life."  I hope to find the keys, and I know that you will never find them.  Why find the important keys when you can't even find the regular ones?  Hey, daddy, did you know I read gay porn?  Hey, mommy, did you know I'm bisexual? Even my friends know more about me.  How sad do you think that is? post comment

[23 Dec 2009|11:00am] unsentletters [jarethrake] Hey DJ, I am probably being completely unreasonable here.  But, if you're awake, I see no reason why you can't, you know, check your phone.  Especially since the last thing I said to you was "I'm locked out". I know I'm unusually wedded to my phone.  If I hear it ring, I'll respond quickly, and I'll usually hear it ring because I keep it by my computer while I'm working.  I fail to see why other people can't respond properly. I am mostly annoyed because I think this indicates that I'm more into you than you are me.  I hate that, especially since this started with you gazing at me for hours on end.  I want to keep my mystery, but I can't seem to help checking my phone all the time. Fucks sake.  I hate myself like this. I'm not responding to any texts until noon tomorrow.  I shall be busy. post comment

[23 Dec 2009|11:47am] unsentletters [preety_lady] [ mood | bitchy ] Dear V, I don't care if you are pissed off at me for saying what I said yesterday. You deserved it. I know I am a mere employee and you the boss but if you are ticked off then maybe you should have thought about it. As I said, I don't mind that you hired that girl, I really don't. But giving her my Wednesday 's hour of teaching without informing me is just plain wrong. I had an operation and couldn't do the dancing activities so we said I was going to get replaced until after Christmas. But tell me... Wasn't I the one who skipped all my sickness leave and got back to regular teaching 2 days after I got out from the hospital? Didn't I resume perfectly my other 11 hours of teaching? It was just that one hour! Now if I recall things accurately, which I do, when C. last year dumped us in the middle of the year because she found a much better job, I was the one you asked to work more hours because the institute was new and we couldn't cancel her classes. And I did! And believe me I had to sacrifice things I did for this. But you never, ever thought of this didn't you? You know it isn't the fact that you gave that hour that hurt my feelings. Nor the wage drop which is a result of this. What really hurt my feelings is that you gave her the class without informing me. Do you know how humiliating it feels to have someone storm in your classroom and asking you for the teacher's books and you, not knowing anything? For effin's sake why couldn't you give me a week's notice? Saying you forgot to inform me does not make me feel any better. It makes me feel worse. So you know... Revenge is a dish served cold. I am going to do my job, because kids don't deserve paying for this. And God be my witness, I am going to do such a good job they will all pass their exams. And once they do, I am free. I am not going to work for you next year. Thanks for the appreciation K. post comment

Dear my old lover... [23 Dec 2009|05:41pm] unsentletters [vixellette] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | Playlist: Broken Heart ] Henry my dear, A long time ago I was a girl who won your heart. I would not forget how that unfriendly silence had made me fallen for you. How we talked in whispers and the romantic silent interaction between us. But now, where was the love that you used to stab into my heart? Yes, now you have torn my heart in pieces. Who am I now for you, compared to the last time when you stared at me so meaningfully as if you didn't want to let me go? How could you be so blind when I reappeared as prettiest as possible? I bet you'll regret because you just losing a chance you never have, and I won't insist in approaching you again afterward. Thank you for ever made my days different that they were so beautiful, despise the disappointment you gave me. I would make all the affections that used to be existed between us as an inspiration. Indeed, you are a story written definitely forever in my mind, Henry. Your secret crush, Nina post comment

[22 Dec 2009|09:28pm] unsentletters [rebeccagrace] [ mood | guilty ] Dear girls of "Teen Mom", When I watch your show I cry with you when you cry and I feel so bad for you because of your situations...but I can't help but think of how lucky you are. You are moms...you have babies...just for that I envy you. Your circumstances are not ideal, and I can't imagine how hard it must be to be a teen mother, but still I envy you. Watching your show makes me sad, but I want to know your stories. Dear Hubby, I'm so sorry we haven't been able to get pregnant yet. I feel like such a failure as a woman and a wife, and I am so sorry you aren't a dad yet. You are such a wonderful man, and you are so great with our nephew...and it breaks my heart because I want you to experience that. With our baby. With our own child. It makes me so sad that it hasn't happened that way. Please don't feel like I'm not doing everything I can. I want a child as much as you do, believe me. Please don't think less of me because of this. I couldn't stand it...I feel bad enough already. Also, forgive me for being so emotional lately. The fertility drugs make me just...ugh. I'm weepy and I try to hide it, and when you ask me what is wrong I say nothing because I don't want to talk about it, because it's too painful and there is nothing you can do anyway...you know how I hate to cry in front of people, even you hon. I'm sorry and I know it's not really my fault and that you don't blame me, but I can't help but feel guilty. 2 comments|post comment

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